This could take ages to write and read. And, really, the Music Video Showcase, or whatever the fuck they call it, at SXSW this year was so damn lame. It’s hardly worth the time or energy. Bob Ray “curated” the show last year and it was kick ass. He may have done it this year too. I don’t know. Whoever did it, however, did a suckass job. The worse part of it all was that more than half of the bands involved were not identified. Some clip would come on with no information about who the band was or anything. THAT WAS ANNOYING AS FUCK! Dumbasses! If we’re going to showcase bands and their videos don’t you think it would be a good idea to tell people who the artists are on these videos? Last year each clip was preceded by a title card that named song and artist. Not this year. There were a couple of really cool songs that I would have liked to have known who did them. Oh well – no record sales for you!

Here’s a clip by clip analysis for what it’s worth.

“Everything Hits at Once” – Spoon – Cool video. Great song. Using the video technique set up by Bob Sabiston for Linklater’s “Waking Life,” the filmmaker here has crafted a cool little animated video where a Wiley Wiggins-type guy goes around town, hangs out at clubs and looks wan. I dug it. Good thing someone was smart enough to put credits on it.

“Red Vines” - Amiee Mann – Why would we start with two similar animated videos? Mann’s video animation is more cut and paste than Spoon’s clip. Plus it features an animated Mann singing the song. But a cartoon Mann working at a convenience store is hardly enough to keep our attention. A so-so video.

Unknown female singer on Capitol Records – a few unique effects using snapshots and CGI techniques but nothing special.

Satellite – “Lucir” (or is it vice-versa) – Another (sigh) animated video that seemed like A-ha’s “Take on Me” revamped for 21st century audiences. Some of the pencil drawing effects looked cool with added color or CGI effects (like hands on fire) but overall rather dull.

Some Hispanic rock band – A cool video where a girl comes home, turns on the TV to a music video, and then looks around the house. The sound on the video matches the film (for example, when we see her from outside, our POV looking in a window, the music sounds like we are hearing it from the camera’s POV). Not particularly original but still looks cool. The filmmakers think it’s clever to have the film end with a lesbian scene. It’s not.

Some sepia toned short film with spoken word and some sort of African or Indian techno thing going on. The song was about karma. Apparently I have bad karma cause I had to sit through this lame ass clip.

Some sci-fi video about a red headed female junkie in the future who shoots up circuit boards or something. Lame

The coolest video in the set – An Asian boy plays with the water in his bathroom sink as a cool-ass techno songs plays. I have no idea who the band was and that pisses me off because it was fucking cool. The visuals created with the water and slow-mo and stuff was cool as fuck. I really dug this clip. I know it wasn’t particularly original, but it was just so freaking cool man. (Oh shit, I turned into Harry Knowles for a second there, sorry.)

Some country song about “Texas in 1880.” I’m pretty sure this was a Texan performer but I’m not really up on country stuff to know who the fuck it was. It was a cool looking sepia tinted B&W thing and the song was pretty good too. One visual had the singer behind a wooden fence. A star was cut out of the fence so we could see his face as he sang. That was kinda clever.

A hilarious country song about white trash Christmases. The parents get drunk, the daughter brings over a Mexican guy. The song was funny as fuck. I think it’s called “Merry Christmas from the Family” but I could be wrong. The interesting thing about the clip, other than how hilarious it was, is that it was a video for a song that was recorded live but the video featured no “concert” performances.

Some perfectly dull alt_rock song with a really weird black and white video in where some guy in a monster suit dances with a girl in rollerskates at a factory. The visuals were unique, at least, but the total effect was rather lackluster.

A stupid as fuck clip about a girl who takes home her boyfriend’s heart in a blood dripping bag. While he sings about how she has “played” him, she takes out his beating, disemboweled heart from the bag, pokes it with a pencil, gives it an eye and, eventually, feeds it to the cat. As ignorant and sophomoric as it sounds. Worse yet, the music matched the song’s lyric.

The term “Pixel Pusher” was on the next clip but I didn’t know if it was the name of the band, the song, or the company that created the clip. Regardless, it was a rather drab affair about a guy sitting in his living room while a band came in, set up, and played around him as he sits on his couch. Next.

All girl punk band. Pretty typical stuff but the band rocked. They played on a rooftop.

Goudie – Local band but you had to really look to know this was Goudie. I’ve seen them live and they are pretentious as fuck. This video, where the lead singer sings into a phone in a phone booth was unoriginal and rather harmless. It wasn’t nearly pretentious enough. If these guys are going to make a career on ego, they need to fucking go for it. Quit pussyfooting around! If you want to be the next Kissinger, just go for it.

Some ridiculous hippie song where the band used the lead singers wedding video and concert footage to create a clip. They really REALLY seem to like mellow Neil Young songs because that’s what they seemed to be playing.

The Dandy Warhols – “Bohemian Like You” – A great clip. This one has gotten some exposure though. It might have even been in last year’s showcase. I know “Godless” was. I want these videos to show on Lube TV. Although not shot here, as far as I know, this video is SO Austin.

And the motherload: A GODFUCKINGAWFUL 10 minute + excursion into horror: Low Flame – a group of horrid Beck-Wannabee songs turned into a short film. It’s about a garbage man who comes from an abusive home, so as an adult he builds a fake family out of garbage and abuses it. Or something like that. This piece of shit went on and on and on and on and then went on some more. I thought I was going to have to urinate on the screen. I knew Hobble’s video was coming on soon, so I couldn’t leave, but someone should blow me and proclaim me king for sitting through this short piece of dusty crap that only proves musicians and wannabee filmmakers are the most stupid, ignorant egotistical assholes ever to walk the planet. I haven’t seen anything this fucking repulsive and stupid since Elliot Smith’s short film, “Strange Parallel.” This was 10 minutes of someone defecating on screen. Remember this name: Low Flame. When you see it, run run run!

Hobble – You know I can’t remember the name of the song – but it doesn’t matter cause it’s fucking Hobble man! The song, from the band’s CD ”Blackmassking” rocked and the video is cool as fuck. Oriah, as a post-nuclear, nerdy Floyd the Barber gives a little boy a mowhawk. For reals. Shot outdoors, the Super 8 film is spotty and had some lab problems. But it doesn’t matter, man, because, like, it’s Hobble and it kicks ass!

Lexicon – some dumbass white rappers. Why don’t fatal car accidents happen to the right people?

Even with Hobble and Spoon’s videos in this showcase, the thing was a complete failure. Nothing could salvage this crapfest.

Report Card   Final Grade: F

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