A Promise Kept (2003)
If the titular promise was to make
a crappy, piece of crud movie that looks like it was
made for the USA Network, then yes, the promise was
kept. This is a horrible, badly filmed, badly acted,
and badly written film that has so many bad ideas
per second it nearly sets a record.
If you're the kind of creepy person
who enjoys seeing little eight-year-old girls having
their mouths taped shut and kept in cages, then this
is the film for you! The theme of this film is supposedly
anti-pedophilia but the filmmaker seems to relish
scene after scene of little girls being tied up, taped
up and put in cages. See, there's a reason you don't
see scenes like this in movies. It's because there
are sick fucks out there who will enjoy watching those
scenes even if they are in a movie where pedophiles
dies in the story.
Filmmaker Daniel Millican seems
to think he's being edgy and creative by putting scenes
like this in his film. What a dumbass. The reason
there are no other films with scenes like this in
them is because they are reprehensible. This guy should
undergo some serious counselling simply for the trauma
he puts the young actresses in the film though. (It
doesn't matter if they "understood" what the film
was about and they "agreed" to be in the scenes. You
don't do that to eight-year old girls. Not even for
a movie! You exploiting dumbass!)
Joey Lauren Adams is the biggest
star in this film. The character she plays here is
a complete copy of the character she plays in her
last film, the equally Godawful "Beeper." Apparently
Adams either needs a better agent or she needs to
quit and become a waitress or a coffee girl or something.
She is on a pace to forever be "that girl that was
in that Kevin Smith movie." He should pay her not
to be in other movies just to save his reputation
as a director who knows how to cast. It must suck
to make someone a star and see them sink to the level
of the crap that Adams has been in.
The other big stars in the film
are Mimi Rogers, Sean Patrick Flanery, Brian McNamara,
and Jeff Speakman. (Yes, I know half of you are asking,
"Who?") They are universally bad and universally boring.
Except for the final "speech" by Rogers which almost
makes us tear up. She should win an Oscar just for
this one scene. It actually makes you like the film
for five seconds. It's like the one truffle in a stinking
pile of pig shit.
How crappy is this movie? Well,
you figure out who the vigilante is about a half-hour
before you're supposed to. (And that's the big mystery
in the film!)
How bad is this movie? Well, Rogers
lives in a huge mansion. That is, it's supposed to
be a huge mansion. It's actually some big, new building
somewhere. In one shot you can see the "Fire Lane"
warning painted in big bright red letters on the curb
that is directly in front of what is supposedly her
"mansion."
The sound system may have had problems
in the theater where I attended the film. Then again,
the sound design could just be as crappy as the rest
of the film. It sounded like it was mixed underwater.
It didn't really matter. The dialogue was atrocious.
Millican, who also wrote the script, is the kind of
untalented hack who thinks that using radio DJ's and
TV news is how you create exposition. This is such
a tired device and it seems incredibly sleepy here.
(In Millican's hands it's not a tired device, it's
a comatose device). There is not one second of this
film that has any sense of reality within it. It is
as contrived as a Hallmark card.
Filmed in Austin in 22 days, "A
Promise Kept" proves that even hacks and dumbass filmmakers
realize that Austin is an awesome city to make movies
in. Too bad there isn't a little more Austin in the
film. Well, actually, it's really too bad there isn't
an iota of intelligence in the film.
Note:
Produced by Betty Buckley (of "Eight
is Enough" fame). Buckley also produced Millican's
first film, "The Keyman." She is also from Texas.
The working title of the film was
"Pure Motive."
Viewed
at AFF 2003.
