The Passion of the Christ (2004)
Herschell Gordon Lewis present "Blood
Feast 3: The Story of Jesus."
Mel Gibson is a pretentious asshole
who will surely burn in hell. He's taken the death
of Jesus Christ and turned it into a "Braveheart,"
"Lord of the Rings," Hollywood wannabe epic shot in
the shadows of cinematic special effects bloodshed.
There's no reverence here, no joy in Jesus' life and
no real understanding of his teachings. Just murder,
mayhem, violence and death. This isn't a celebration
of life, it's a regurgitation of the worst Hollywood
has to offer. It's like a Schwarzenegger "Terminator"
film with swords and whips rather than machine guns.
Vile. Putrid. Unforgivable. This isn't a film, it's
a two hour masturbation porno of Christian guilt.
In the hands of Gibson, the story
of Jesus doesn't seem like some historical epic in
the history of man, but rather some sort of gory "Star
Trek" spin-off that suggests it may have occurred
in Klingon folklore. There's even some creepy skinhead
character that looks like they beamed down Thomas
Hardy's Praetor Shinzon from "Star Trek: Nemesis."
Apparently, according to Gibson, the "devil" looks
a lot like a Michael Stipe dressed up as Max Schreck
for Halloween.
And there's absolutely no reason
to have this film in a foreign, archaic language except
for the fact that the tired and hackneyed dialogue
seems a little more poetic when printed on the screen
rather than spoken. It's hard to make the oft-repeated
"he who lives by the sword, dies by the sword," seem
fresh and new. But it sure sounds more profound in
Klingon... er, I mean, Aramaic.
But this is all a moot point because,
in the hands of Gibson, this story makes no sense
anyway. It's a "for fans only" kind of affair. The
viewer never understands all the political machinations
that lead to Jesus' demise. Nor do we understand what
it is that Jesus has said or done to anger the "priests,"
or whatever the heck they are, who arrest him and
insist on his crucifixion. It's kind of like a sequel
missing the original story. Sure, we all know some
of the things that Jesus taught without seeing that
in the film. (And the most well-known and typical
are regurgitated here anyway). We understand who Jesus
is. What we don't understand from this film is why
he was killed. So, the entire film is kind of pointless
if you don't know the whole story already. It turns
into a glorification of the blood and violence of
Jesus' crucifixion. Blech!
It's kind of like watching the Zapruder
film over and over and not knowing who JFK was or
why someone wanted him killed. You know how Costner
shows that segment of the home movie in Oliver Stone's
"JFK" and says, "Back and to the left, back and to
the left" over and over. "The Passion of the Christ"
is kind of like that scene - only it goes on for two
fucking hours!
This is a movie for fucking morons.
Idiots who can't understand how horrific the crucifixion
was. Gibson must have a pretty low opinion of Christians
because he thinks they need a scene where Jesus carries
his cross and gets brutally whipped that goes on for
an hour in order to understand how horrific his persecution
really was. Gibson must think that his audience is
made up of sub-moronic Mongoloids because any one
of even minor intelligence who sits through this Godawful
putrid scene for more than two minutes will have no
choice but to yell at the top of their lungs, I FUCKING
GET IT ALREADY. IT WAS CRUEL AND HORRIFIC. MOVE ON
YOU WORTHLESS FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.
But Gibson must have sinned immensely
as a youth because he seems unable to stop this masturbatory
gore and violence. He is apparently purging his guilty
soul on the screen of all his sin and lust and greed
and in the process vomits frame after frame of cruelty
and gore. It is vulgar and sickening. For God's sake,
for all our sake, for the sake of all that is decent,
someone please, take the fucking camera out of this
ignorant asshole's hands. What a pathetic pretentious
cretinous, pedantic jerk.
And the climax of this film, the
crucifixion itself, is just a continuation of this
sickening degradation of Christ's death. The carrying
of the cross is really just foreplay (our cerebral
clits are rubbed raw by all this stimulation) and
the crucifixion is the orgasm. It is rancid.
It doesn't help to wish that Gibson
will stop and show us something else as we come to
realize that every time he does do this, the film
is just going to be a platitudinous mess. If Gibson
isn't rehashing a Christian teaching that we have
all heard since we were children in Sunday School,
then it's something completely contrived and silly.
We get to learn such interesting facts about our Lord
and savior, the son of God. For example, did you know
Jesus invented the modern dining room table? Neither
did I. Gibson does though.
In a way it's a good thing that
Jesus is beaten to a bloody pulp early in the film
because the actors here all look the same. Either
they wear soldier's armour of they look like the stereotypical
pictures of Jesus. You know, the bearded hippie whose
eyes follow you wherever you go. They all wear robes
and have beards. You wouldn't be able to tell which
one was Jesus if he weren't bloody beyond recognition.
As for the rest of the filmmaking
stuff, the script is awful, as I've said; the cinematography
and special effects look good at first but is eventually
unimportant since everything is just a bloody mess
anyway, and the score is a rehash of Peter Gabriel's
music for Martin Scorsese's "The Last Temptation of
Christ," which, oddly enough was released as a CD
called "Passion."
I don't believe in censorship but
this is the sort of putrid, vile, disgusting trash
that should be banned from ever being shown. At the
very least it should have been given an NC-17. I hope
Mel Gibson rots in hell for unleashing this abomination
on the movie-going public. Any adult who lets their
children watch this celebration of violence and horror
and bloodshed should be given a visit by CPS. Unforgivable
trash. I hope Gibson's children choke to death on
all the money he makes from this gore. I hope his
undeserved Oscar (and he will win one for directing
this dreck) falls off his bookshelf onto his head
and finishes him off.
This movie is enough to make you
take the Lord's name in vain.
Notes:
In Hebrew and Aramaic with subtitles,
although much said is not translated at all.
With Jim Caviezel as Jesus, who
should have known better.
Viewed in December 2004 on a DVD
I rented from Vulcan Video in Austin. I have to admit,
I fast forwarded through a lot of it as it just goes
on and on and on and shows us nothing but viciousness
and vulgarity for minutes at a time.
