Nine Months (1995)

This movie is for women. It never misses an opportunity to make the males look bad. Consider the 3 male leads here, Hugh Grant, Tom Arnold and Jeff Goldblum. Grant is a prissy pseudo-intellectual suffering from "Peter Pan" syndrome, an ailment obviously fabricated by a woman. Arnold is an obnoxious buffoon and Goldblum is a starving artist who refuses to sacrifice his freedom for a woman or a relationship. Of these 3, Grant and Goldblum are both forced into a transformation to a male figure that women might want. Arnold, although still a buffoon, is shown to be a good provider. He isn't the perfect father but he works and he comes home at night.

Now consider the two female leads. Julianne Moore is a dancer and a symbol of 90's femininity. When she "accidentally" gets pregnant at the film's beginning, she is perceived as special - and as always being right. Joan Cusack is the eternal earth mother. The lover-giver-goddess. Her fertility makes her whole.

This is the problem with "Nine Months." The males are never right except for Arnold and his character is such an obnoxious blowhard that even he is perceived as being wrong. The women, on the other hand, are always right. Notice that when a reconciliation comes between Grant and Moore towards the film's end (and we all know it's coming), he apologizes. She doesn't. He is transformed. She isn't. He must sacrifice his life for her wishes. He must change. He has been wrong all along. Moore, who has been just as selfish, just as uncaring and just as unexpressive as Grant has, doesn't have to apologize. She is the woman, the life-giver, and therefore she is incapable of being wrong in matters of reproduction. And, while Grant's transformation is wondrous and realistic, it is marred by the idea that he would be wrong or selfish not to have transformed. It is ridiculous, but it is an accepted part or heterosexuality and breeding. Notice that directly before his big change Grant is wearing a school boy's outfit, a t-shirt and tennis shorts. This is no accident. Grant is the supposed boy who must become a man. Here the reason for a male's transformation is fatherhood (where in other films it is heterosexual love, age, or career). While all of this is horribly wrong, it is also a reflection of reality.

All this being put aside, "Nine Months" is a wonderful and hilarious film. Grant's charm carries the picture much the way it did in "4 Weddings and a Funeral." In almost every scene, we see the film through Grant's eyes. We witness his transformation first hand. It's hard to imagine any other actor being able to charm us so fully or to make the ride so enjoyable. Grant mumbles and stumbles his way through his character Samuel much as he does in his other romantic comedies. And here it is as wonderful as always. Plus Grant again gets to show his marvelous ability to do physical comedy. On his own, or paired with Arnold, Grant makes us laugh continuously throughout the film. If there is any problem with his image, it that director Christopher Columbus shows his smile too widely sometimes. Grant has incredibly huge front teeth and when they are bared in a wide smile, as is the British trademark, they aren't the whitest teeth they could be.

Like Grant, the other males in the film are typecast. Arnold is a wonderful clown, but we've seen him do it before. Here, at least, he gets to stretch out into a character. And he makes a wonderful counterpunch to Goldblum. Reprising the role he played in "Jurassic Park," Goldblum is a faltered intellectual here. Again, at least, he has more screen time to make a character. Playing the opposite of Arnold's father- seeder character, Goldblum has a wonderful speech where he accuses a woman who wants to have his child of "trying to steal (his) essence." This is quite funny even if it is overblown. (Does any male really talk like this?)

When Columbus shows the 3 male leads together, he blocks the movement with Grant in the middle, symbolizing his intellectual position. In a scene that pays homage to Woody Allen, Columbus shows an discussion of parenthood and attitudes at an outdoor dinner setting. Grant watches Goldblum and Arnold verbally bandy the pros and cons of parenthood back and forth across the table like a spectator at a ping-pong match.

The other visible male character is played by Robin Williams and again, as is his wont, Columbus casts a him in a stereotypical role. Williams reprises his "Moscow on the Hudson" character but he does him as Robin Williams this time, with schtick and broad strokes. It is silly much in the way that Rowan Atkinson's role was silly in "4 Weddings and a Funeral." It is unnecessary and overblown comic relief. The film doesn't need it and one cannot tell if it is Williams' idea or Columbus'. Whoever saw the need for this sidetrack was obviously mistaken.

The females here are much more grounded, of course. Moore is actually quite dull as Grant's better half. We can't really imagine why he would stay with her much longer unless she does get pregnant and trap him in that age-old manner. Moore is not much to look at even though she does have a nice smile. Worse, she is cast as the typical female demanding love and affection from the boyish Grant. As an actress, Moore does make her character real although one must assume this wasn't much of a stretch for her. Any female should be able to play this role as the character is the stereotypical female. Cusack, meanwhile, has what is probably her best role ever. Made much more realistic here by the fact that her character is a mother, Cusack can also stretch out and grow a little because she is the female equivalent of Arnold, loud, brassy and bold. We like her in spite of herself. Forced to dog Goldblum's character, because she is his sister, Cusack's role could be quite irritating. But the actresses goofy vulnerability and charm help her to succeed and we end up feeling passionately for her character even though we really shouldn't care. It's quite a nice turn from her.

Columbus is probably America's greatest living comedy film director. No one is more able to make slapstick comedies come alive with heart and warmth. He does that here as he has in almost all of his films. Columbus blends just the right amount of schmaltz with comic relief to tug at our heartstrings then immediately amusing us highly. He simply never gives us time to get tired of his devices. At times, it can all seem quite contrived yet Columbus also hires actors capable of carrying out his needs stealthily. This may be his greatest asset.

As author of the script, based on a French novel, Columbus transforms the story nicely to the screen adding splashes of dialogue to physical comedy and tossing in the sugary stuff just for flavor. He follows through with this and by photographing and editing the film almost flawlessly. This may be his best film since "Adventures in Babysitting," his debut in 1987.

"Nine Months" is the best film about parenthood, since... well, "Parenthood." Yet, Columbus' film is far less smug than Ron Howard's epic - and therefore more satisfying. Grant's ability to do intellectual comedy, physical comedy and schmaltzy dialogue serve Columbus well here. Males will like the film because they can relate to the mistreatment of Grant's character and because the film is full of laughs. Females will love the film because, like all the females in the film, they know that they are right. About everything.

Notes: Filmed in and around San Francisco.

Ashley Johnson, a young female actress from numerous TV shows, has a small role here as one of Arnold's daughters.

Songs by The Ronettes, Marvin Gaye, Van Morrisson and Little Steven. (The Little Steven song credit gives thanks to Bon Jovi for some unknown reason).

The Nepotism Factor: Columbus uses his children as extras in the film. A rather sweet touch considering the theme of the film.

During the "chase" scene to the hospital, Grant's car passes a theatre where the marquee reads "Home Alone VII." Columbus directed both of the "Home Alone" movies which preceded this film.

Grant had a scandal directly before the release of the film when he was arrested for soliciting prostitution in L.A. He was caught having sex in his car with an African-American hooker named Divine Brown. After the incident, Brown made some money as a commercial spokesperson for a radio station in L. A. with the name of "Easy 103" ("I listen at work") as well as for other products.

Review written in 1995

Report Card

Script: A

Acting: B

Cinematography\Lighting: B

Special Effects\Make Up: A

Music: C

Final Grade: A