Never
Talk to Strangers (1995)
What is Dennis Miller doing in this film? Sure, the
guy is multi-talented and he's good at anything he attempts,
but he's usually wiser than to choose vehicles like
this. Did Rebecca DeMornay lick him or something? Is
that how she gets a Producer's credit here?
I shouldn't be so mean, but, damn it, this movie has
some potential which it blows massively. The story could
have been quite interesting if it had a lead couple
who could act, a director who could direct or, most
importantly, a scripter who doesn't tip his hand 20
minutes into the film.
DeMornay is not my favorite actress. Judging her by
the work she does in this film and "The Hand That Rocks
the Cradle," I'd have to say she might be the worst
actress to hit the screen since Deloris Fuller. DeMornay
has to play a complex woman here and she just doesn't
have what it takes. Sure, she doesn't chew the scenery
to shreds like she does in "Cradle" but this is worse,
she chews her co-star in this film! She expresses fear,
terror and disgust simply by opening her mouth as wide
as possible. She expresses lust by actually chewing
Antonio Banderas' bare ass. That's right, there's an
ass chewing scene in the middle of this movie! In fact,
DeMornay takes every opportunity she can get to disrobe
and pseudo-screw Banderas in the film.
The sex scenes are kind of interesting but that just
frustrates us further. Like the script, the film could
be so much better with just a bit of work. Director
Peter Hall does show some promise when he films the
principle pair copulating. See, Banderas lives in a
loft apartment (right next to a carnival by the way)
and his bed is in a caged-in area. DeMornay performs
numerous acrobatics hanging from the enclosed structure
while naked and in Banderas' grasp. She pokes every
protrusion on her body through the chain-link structure
as well. It's not exactly erotic but it is unique. Occasionally
the film has a glimmer of hope that makes you think
you may be watching something worthwhile. But then DeMornay
or Banderas opens their mouth and tries to make sense
of the lousy script or Hall tries his hand at exposition
and then everything goes to hell.
This is a mystery and DeMornay is being stalked. Our
job is to guess who is scaring her. It could be Banderas.
She has just met him and is beginning a sexual relationship
with him which seems highly volatile. Banderas is a
bad boy yet he seems to have a good heart. It confuses
us and DeMornay even though it is supposedly justified
in the end. Another suspect is Miller who plays her
next door neighbor. He lets us know he's banged DeMornay
once before early in the film. It could be DeMornay's
father (Len Cariou) who has obviously molested her when
she was a child. The script by Lewis Green and Jordan
Rush make that obvious from the moment he arrives on
screen. How do we know? Because DeMornay refuses to
call him "Dad" among other hints. (This is pointed out
at least twice to us). There is one other suspect, Harry
Dean Stanton. In the film's other almost-bright spot
(the first being Miller), Stanton plays a homicidal
rapist who may also have MPS (multiple personality syndrome).
See, DeMornay is a psychologist of some sort and one
of her jobs is to evaluate criminals to see if they
are mentally competent to stand trial. Stanton is great
here playing the role of a crisp and cool maniac with
delightfully subdued vigor. He almost makes the film
worth watching. Anyway, these are the suspects but we
know who is guilty pretty early in the film. It's obvious
to everyone what this soap-opera is all about.
Hall really blows what little hope the film might
have at several significant points. He simply cannot
build suspense. This is not something that can really
be taught I guess. Still, if I had to teach Hall, I
think I'd tell him to be more plodding, to move more
slowly, to take more time. He seems so hurried and he
likes quick cuts way too much. Hall chops us through
the action when he should be developing the scene.
But the script doesn't help either. When Cariou first
appears, DeMornay drops a huge jar of spaghetti sauce
on the steps leading to her apartment in what is supposed
to be foreshadowing. Instead, we just wonder why a single
woman (who deliberately has just one plate and one cup
in her sink strainer) is buying such a huge jar of sauce.
Could it be because it is blood red? And surely the
funniest part of the film comes when the cops explain
that they now realize someone may want to kill her.
We have seen someone loosening the screws that hold
the ELECTRIC space heater right above the BATHTUB in
DeMornay's apartment. She gets out of the tub and the
appliance immediately falls into the bath water sparking
brilliantly. Soon after this happens, the police tell
her they know she is in danger. "We examined your heater.
Someone tampered with the screws." SOMEONE TAMPERED
WITH THE SCREWS. What kind of forensic scrutiny lead
you to that deduction? I laughed and laughed.
"Never Talk to Strangers" is a silly film. It's fun
to watch because it's so bad. DeMornay is really awful
and the ending is really insipid. If that's not enough
to make you want to see it, let me remind you again:
There's an actual ass-chewing scene in here. Really.
Enough said?
Notes: Director of Photography is Elmer Ragalyi. Music
by Pino Donaggio.
Review written in 1995
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