Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
If Ridley Scott hadn't already made
"Gladiator,"
it would be easy to assume that he saw "King
Arthur" and "Troy"
and "Alexander"
and simply thought; I could do better. But Scott has
already done better. And "Kingdom of Heaven" is no
improvement over his previous work.
The first 90 minutes of this godawfully
long two and one half hour movie is nothing but sheer
boredom. Even the cute Orlando Bloom does not do much
to help us get into the film. If you're looking for
a 90 minute cinematic experience of noticing how much
Bloom looks like he could be related to Chris and
Danny Masterson ("Malcom in the Middle" and "That
70's Show" respectively), then this may be the movie
for you. Sadly, there's no other reason to sit through
this film except for the aforementioned reason or
to prepare you to at least partially understand the
kick ass last hour of the film.
To be sure, you have to be a religious
scholar to understand what the hell is going on here.
This is set in the 12th century and the entire film
has something to do with Christians protecting Jerusalem
from Muslim invaders but this very basic notion is
all that the uninitiated can really glean from the
film. I certainly didn't get it and I didn't understand
90% of what was going on here. And most assuredly
the finale of the film is unintelligible. Hell, I
don't even know if this is based on a true historical
incident. The film doesn't spoon-feed the audience,
that's for sure but, even worse, it seems to lead
them into the forest without a flashlight. For Gods
sake Ridley, you've got to give us something to hold
onto here if you want us to care about the story at
all.
Bloom's love interest is played
by Eva Green but their scenes together seem truncated
and hacked off in editing. Green even complained about
her nude scenes with Bloom being trimmed from the
film (they barely kiss). This is emblematic of the
film for the first 90 minutes; we simply do not get
enough to understand what the hell is going on here.
A shipwreck sequence last 30 seconds when it should
be about five minutes. Even stalwarts like Liam Neeson,
David Thewlis, Jeremy Irons and Brendan Gleeson can't
help us figure out what the hell is going on here.
But the final battle scene makes
the film worth wading through. Scott films many of
the scenes with hand-held camera using the shaky effect
that Spielberg used in "Saving
Private Ryan" to provide motion and accentuate
action. While it is often impossible to tell what
is going on in the man to man combat sequences within
a battle, the overall effect is amazing. And the night
battle scene with fireballs is simply mind-blowing.
You get the impression watching "Kingdom of Heaven"
that this film, more than any of the other historical
epics, provides an adequate representation of what
battle in the 12th century must have really been like.
In the end, this, plus Blooms 3rd hour evolution into
a real leader, allows this film to evolve into a worthwhile
historical epic. But damn that first 90 minutes is
boring as hell.
Notes:
Ed Norton plays the Leper King complete
with face mask, a situation that the young show-off
thespian must have loved.
During production the film was known
as "The Crusades."
Filmed in Spain and Morocco.
One on-line source says that all
the characters in this film existed in real life with
the exception of Neeson's.
Viewed in Austin in May of 2005.
