The Honeymooners (2005)
This must be the most asinine idea
for a film yet. A black, urban updating of the classic
Jackie Gleason TV show. Whoever held the rights to
this show and sold it to Cedric the Entertainer and
Mike Epps should be killed by a firing squad shooting
DVD discs of classic TV shows at them, preferably
aiming to decapitate.
There no edge or humor in the film.
There is nothing here that resembles the classic TV
show except for the fact that Cedric the Entertainer
(I dislike him more and more each time that I have
to type out that stupid-ass name) plays a bus driver
named Ralph Kramden, Epps plays a sewer worker named
Ed Norton, who is his friend and neighbor, and the
two are married to women named Alice and Trixie, respectively.
That's it. Any other resemblance to the TV show is
strictly imaginary.
Well, okay, the guys are into get-rich-quick
schemes. But none of these have any humor or originality
to them. The biggest tale here, one involving a racing
dog, is so inane and pointless as to render the whole
idea of cinematic entertainment obsolete. This is
the film that could kill the movies for society as
a whole. This is the third sign of the cinematic apocalypse
after "The Blair Witch Project" and "Fahrenheit 911"
John Leguizamo comes along and eventually
adds a little bit of comedy and edge to the film,
but it is much too little too late. Leguizamo is playing
the classic Latin immigrant stereotype that has made
him the star he is today. At least rehashed Leguizamo
is better than the crap purporting to be a movie here.
The whole film feels like one (bad) improvisation
but at least when Leguizamo improvises about 10% of
what he says is amusing or interesting.
Whose fucking idea was this? Where
did this ignorant ass movie come from? Where the fuck
was somebody with the brains to say, "NO!" This movie
is the single most ridiculous idea for a remake that
has ever hit movie theaters. I mean, this film makes
Gus Van Sant's shot-for-shot remake of "Psycho" seem
like a masterpiece. This makes Steve Martin seems
like a good choice for Inspector Closeau. Fucking
Cedric the Entertainer as Ralph Kramden. That is an
insult to Jackie Gleason. That is an insult to poor
people everywhere. That is an insult to bus drivers.
This is an insult to anyone with eyes and ears.
At least it bridges the race gap
because Cedric the Entertainer as Ralph Kramden is
as big an insult to white people as it is to blacks.
African-Americans, I am your brother. Let us put aside
our differences and untie in a common cause. Beating
the hell out of Cedric the Entertainer and making
sure he never makes another fucking lame-ass movie.
One of these days when I see Cedric
the (non) Entertainer, it's going to be POW ZOOM right
to the fucking moon. You are not funny. You are not
entertaining. You are an embarrassment to your race
and to the entire fucking human race. And the minute
your career is over, I'll sleep a whole lot better
at night.
Notes:
Also with Gabrielle Union, Eric
Stoltz, and Regina Hall.
