High Tension (2003/2005) (AKA Haute
Tension, Switchblade Romance)
I am going to spoil this film for
you for two reasons. 1) It's a piece of shit and 2)
I have to tell what happens in the film to prove what
a piece of shit it is. Consider yourself warned.
"High Tension" has some genius marketing
to sell it. The trailer using Sonic Youth's version
of The Carpenter's "Superstar" is probably the best
film marketing of the year. This film looks taunt,
creepy, intense and edgy. It also looks arty, cinematically
cool and a film that will blow you away. None of this
is true when it comes to the actual movie. "High Tension"
is little more than a slasher flick, a bloody, gory,
throwback to those Godawful films of the 80's. And,
let's face it, there's nothing horrific about a psycho
chasing women with a switchblade. There's nothing
thrilling about it either. Anyone can make a movie
about a psycho chasing young girls with a sharp object.
Even worse, the psycho is a fat
guy. This is another one of those films that perpetuates
the frustratingly cruel "fat people are creepy and
evil" stereotype. Anyone over 180 pounds who sees
this film should stand up in the middle of the movie
and shout, "I am not a crazed psycho killer just because
I like to eat fast food!" Imagine the fright on the
skinny teenagers eyes when you do that! Then they'll
know what true terror is all about!
The worst part of this horrible
piece of cinematic dung is the "surprise" twist where
the killer is revealed to be one of the main girls
in the film, the one whom has been trying to stop
the fat psycho killer. Yep, she's supposedly got split
personality. And, surprise, surprise, she's got a
lesbian crush on the "victim" girl in the film. That's
right, this horrible slasher shit turns into a homophobic,
lesbian serial killer movie. I hope anyone who makes
a dollar off this film dies in a horrific car accident.
This film is one of the worst, most abysmal, most
hateful pieces of shit to hit the American public
screen since Anita Bryant shut her stupid trap. This
is the worst film Lion's Gate has unleashed on the
American public since "May."
This thing makes "Open
Water" look like a masterpiece.
Of course this ridiculous and stereotypical
and homophobic plot twist actually makes absolutely
no sense if one stops to examine the film. There's
a scene early in the film where the psycho fattie
truck driver is seen getting a blowjob inside his
vehicle. After a bit he throws a woman's decapitated
head out the window on to the ground. If this guy
doesn't exist, if he is a personality of the main
girl in the film, when is this supposed to have happened?
But it's a moot point to try and make sense of a film
made by hateful, bigoted homophobes. Trying to figure
out how their brains work would take a team of scientists
several frustrating years. It's little surprise though
that these sickening dregs of society like director
Alexandre Aja and writer Gregory Levasseur make such
a picture. One imagines them getting erections every
time they drive by a morgue. Sick fucks.
Yes, I'm sure all lesbians who lust
after straight women see themselves as fat truck drivers.
Jesus. Could a storyline be more offensive to lesbians?
And why isn't the truck driver wearing plaid? Why
doesn't he have his key's hanging from a metal clip
on one of his belt loops on his outfit? Why doesn't
he stop and play some softball? Why doesn't he have
a pet cat? Why doesn't he have a crewcut? Sheesh assholes,
if your going to denigrate and berate lesbians at
least know something about them first. Jerks.
And let's not forget the other bad
thing about the film: Its sound design. This is a
French film. Anyone with half a brain cell walking
into the film already knows that. Yet, in order to
"sell" this film to mainstream American audiences
(the kind of lowest common denominator assholes that
would like this regurgitated sewage) the geniuses
at Lion's Gate have decided to dub English into most
of the beginning of the film. It is annoying as hell
and serves to consistently take the viewer OUT of
the film (which, in actuality, is just as well). All
you can do is sit there and watch how the words don't
match up to the mouth movements. Later, the film lulls
into a silent chase film, so language is hardly used
in the piece anyway. And finally, the film just erodes
into using subtitles. It's 2005 you numskulls. American
audiences can take subtitles. I don't give a fuck
what your stupid little test screenings say. Jesus.
"High Tension" is the kind of film
that makes me want to stand outside the theaters that
show it with a picket sign. Trouble is, calling attention
to crap like this just piques people's interest. Here's
hoping that some poor little lesbian teenage girl
whose not quite sure of her self and her sexuality
yet doesn't have to sit through this on a Friday night
when her pimply faced little male suitor asks her
out to see a movie. This is the kind of film that
can make a gay person hole up in their little closet
again for a decade. This is the kind of film that
should be outlawed. This is the kind of film that
turns sweet little lesbians into fucking serial killers,
the kind that go psycho and have to kill stupid ass
filmmakers.
It's a vicious cycle isn't it.
I'm offended as a fat guy. I'm offended
as a gay person. I'm offended as a movie-goer. And
I'm offended as a member of the human race.
Notes:
In English as well as some French
and Italian with subtitles.
Filmed in Romania.
Different small portions of the
film have been cut out in different countries to appease
censors and ratings boards.
The film premiered in France in
June of 2003. The U.S. premiere was at Sundance in
2004. Lion's Gate released the American version of
the film (with dubbing) in June of 2005.
Viewed at a press sneak at the Dobie
in Austin in May of 2005. I chatted with Jegar Erickson
of the Austin Music Network's film show before the
movie. There were several people in attendance as
a handful of passes were apparently given out to the
public. The only other person there that I recognized
was Marjorie Baumgarten of "The Austin Chronicle."
