Inspector Gadget (1999)

Words cannot begin to describe the absolute horror that is "Inspector Gadget." Thankfully, it is only 75 minutes long and at least 10 of those are credits. The film is one of the worst pieces of dreck ever to be unleashed on the public by the cavity-causing sugar plum fairies at Disney. They should really be  ashamed of themselves on this one.

It seemed so perfect. Cute Matthew Broderick is cast as the mechanical policeman based on the rather drab Saturday morning cartoon. Then we get news that Rupert Everett will play the villain. My curiosity was piqued. But, alas, the film is nothing but boring nonsense. The director, if you could call him that, couldn't find his way out of a wet paper bag. The film is so choppy, so poorly crafted that it is hard to imagine anyone having spent any time on it. Word has it that Disney made the director remove much of the sexual innuendo that was originally in the film. Chances are, in a tiff, he simply butchered his own film. It's a waste.

Plot and characters, they're unimportant. Broderick plays the Inspector and his mechanical evil doppleganger in the film with aplomb, but it is wasted here. When is Broderick, surely one of the finest young men ever to grace stage and screen, going to give up on being a matinee idol and concentrate again on being a thespian? He's wasting his time here. Everett gives one of the worst performances imaginable and, like many English actors, can only effect a southern accent when speaking as an American. He's so lame here that one imagines a straight person must have invaded his body for the duration of the shoot. He has no panache and that's the worst thing one can say about a homosexual! Andy Dick (did someone mention homosexuals) is also misused and wasted in the film. Why is he here? Was there no chimpanzee available to play the role of Everett's sidekick? Joely Fisher, as the love interest, is likewise boring here. Who could fall in love with this character? Even she gets to play herself and her evil doppleganger and like Broderick can find nothing to do with the opportunity. Then theres Dabney Coleman forced into playing a supposedly angry Police Captain. I think anyway; It's hard to yawn and keep your eyes open at the same time. Even with closed eyes, one still must suffer through D.L. Hughley as the voice of the Inspector's car. The only thing worse than the dialogue in this film, is the dialogue in this film being delivered by a supposedly hip, black, comedian playing an automobile. Can you say jive?

If there is any reason to see the film it is Cheri Oteri. Although she basically does one of her "Saturday Night Live" characterization (cute and spunky) playing the mayor here, it's funny - or at least the most amusing thing going on here. She's so dang adorable you can't help but love her, even in this cesspool of  a film.

God, I'm glad I'm gay. I'll never have kids and I'll never be forced to watch this garbage again. I feel sorry for all the breeders when it comes out on video. If their kids are unimaginative, average, conventional children, they will probably force them to buy this video and then play it a million times. That idea alone should be enough to end procreation here and now. 

Report Card

Script: F

Acting: F

Cinematography\Lighting: C

Special Effects\Make Up: F

Music: F

Final Grade: F