Sometimes even a film that sucks very hard has one moment of beauty in it. Such is the case with "The Family Stone." In its one crystallized moment of clarity and genius, Owen Wilson and Sarah Jessica Parker lay in bed together. Parker's character is a harried shrew who has been tamed by the inner peace as well as the sexual prowess of Wilson and this moment of calm reflects his effect on her. The film is set at Christmas and she begins to hum "Joy to the World" while lying peaceful on his chest. Wilson begins to hum and sing quietly with her and when he comes to the line "Repeat the sounding joy..." he stops and says the line again. He notices the poetry and the beauty of that line and in doing so, forces us to do so as well. It's a line we've heard a million times since childhood. It's repetition and omnipresence at holiday time has made it mundane and nearly a part of our subconscious. Yet Wilson's character notices the beauty and the joyousness of it, as if he has suddenly considered it for the first time ever. It is a beautiful and poignant moment and one that gives the viewer goosebumps. Sadly, it is the only such moment in the film.

Contrast this with the most horrible scene in the movie (and there is a plethora of bad scenes to choose from) where Parker sits at a dinner table with all her future in-laws. Her fiance's mother and father, sisters and brothers are all there. One of the brothers is a deaf gay man who has an African-American lover. The mother, who is quite liberal, somewhat jokingly asserts that she wanted all her kids to be gay. Parker suggests earnestly that no one would wish that for their child. She is met with subtle hostility and stoic condemnation. The deaf guy and his African-American lover, who are normal, loving, openly gay men, cringe and become sad almost hovering together as if being battered. The mother and father act shocked and defensive.

THIS SCENE IN THE BIGGEST LOAD OF CONTRIVED HORSE SHIT I HAVE SEEN IN A MOVIE THIS YEAR. C'mon. Are we to believe that these smart, happy, loving gay guys have never heard this line before? Are they incapable of defending themselves. Are they unable to openly talk about their acceptance of themselves and their sexuality. Parker's character is not saying anything that any gay man or gay man's parent hasn't heard before. To suggest that these two gay men cannot openly talk to her and try and help her understand - to suggest that this question from her renders them speechless and tearful - puts gay men back about 30 years - reverts gay men back to victims. This is a disgusting, false, bogus and deplorable scene. Shame on Thomas Bezucha ("Big Eden") for writing and directing a scene that suggest that modern gay men are tender little flowers unable to defend their sexuality in a simple dinner conversation. There is a real chance for a real discussion here and Bezucha, who has written one of the most dull and contrived scripts of the year, forces the scene to be a trainwreck of typical drama and gay angst. It was so sickening that it was all I could do to stop myself from marching up to the projection booth and piss on the print of the film as it unspooled its vulgar idiocy through the lens.

If you want to see a lame, uninteresting, forced, trite, contrived and off-center dramedy about a family gathering, rent "Home for the Holidays." At least that film is ten years old and its obnoxious gay character played by Robert Downey, Jr. can be forgiven for being so inane.

In a year where "Brokeback Mountain" has emerged as one of the greatest films of all time, a film like "The Family Stone" should be relegated back to the closet. Shame on Claire Danes, Diane Keaton, Rachael McAdams, Dermot Mulrooney, Craig T. Nelson, Parker, Wilson, Tyrone Giordano and Brian White for appearing in this lame and ridiculous film. This is the kind of shit that makes you want to kick all of them in the family stones. Hard.

Notes:

At one point the film was to be called "Hating Her."

Billy Crudup, Johnny Knoxville and Aaron Eckhart were all at one time attached to the film in the role that eventually went to Wilson. Perhaps they were smart enough to see what a piece of shit this script was.

Parker is nominated for a Golden Globe for her role.

Viewed in Austin at a sneak preview the day before the movie was released in December of 2005.

Report Card

Script: F

Acting: C

Cinematography\Lighting: C-

Special Effects\Make Up: C

Music: C

Final Grade: F