Ding-a-ling-less
(2001)
The "Ding-a-ling" in the title refers to a penis and
the story here concerns Jack, a man without one. Jack
had a little accident at birth when a nurse mistook
his titular pee-tail for the umbilical cord and snipped
it off. Ever since, Jack has lived in sort of a nether
world of sexuality. He's decidedly male, but has never
experienced what it is like to be sexual. This is the
set-up of "Ding-a-ling-less."
Sure, the film could be essentially a one joke film
with dick joke after dick joke - and in many ways that's
a big part of the film, but it's more than that too.
Writer/Director Onur Takel creates a really interesting
character in Jack. Played by the happy-faced Kirk Wilson,
Jack looks like the sweet little bastard son of Alan
Sues and Beck. He grins and charms his way through this
story with talent that is obvious. He has great chemistry,
as well, with his costar Robert Longstreet, who plays
his best friend Alan.
Soon into the film, Alan tells Jack that he's discovered
a doctor who can do a dick transplant and thus begins
a comic odyssey of a man becoming a sexual being overnight.
There are really funny and silly sweet moments here
where Alan explains to Jack just what it is like to
have a dick. Masturbation, the Rhythm Method, and heterosexual
intercourse all come into the conversation and there
are many visual illustrations to make us laugh. This
film is funny and director Takel does an awesome job
of making it all work.
Surprisingly, my favorite scene in the film is when
Alan tells Jack what it is like to be inside a vagina.
They are at a park on the slides, laying sort of side
by side and Wilson's hair has so much static electricity
in it, it is just wild. But the scene is so sweet and
Wilson's gleeful, giddy, idyllic expression of joy at
the prospect of having a penis is just heartwarming.
There are some dark moments in the film as well, especially
the last 30 minutes or so of the film, but these not
only make the story work, they often include some of
the most hilarious sexual black humor since Scorsese's
"After Hours." A scene in a restaurant is a hilarious
joke about homophobia. And the final story, albeit not
funny, involving Alan is handled with just the right
amount of stripped sincerity and poignancy. This ending
has to happen to make the film work. Period.
But for me, it was the gay-friendly nature of "Ding-a-ling-
less" that worked best. When you have two guys discussing
penises, even in a heterosexual context, there is a
natural male bonding that takes place. The film has
many moments of gay insight, including the aforementioned
homophobia joke and a final eye-opening revelation in
the film.
If there is any problems with "Ding-a-ling-less,"
they are minor. In some scenes the music is too loud
and too obnoxious. At least it is original score. The
score seems like rejected moog synth tunes from Kubrick's
"Clockwork Orange" pumped far too loud in the mix. The
score in later, more emotional scenes is far better.
Also, the script relies on crude euphemisms for the
male genitalia and sexual acts far too often, using
phrases like "cunt stuffing love pump" in the dialogue,
which comes across as far too fake. It's a little bit
of stylization that gets a bit ridiculous. The story
and acting and other dialogue is far too on target.
Someone should have had the sense to edit this out during
rewrites.
Chicks won't get it. This is a guy flick. This is
a dick flick. Move over "Vagina Monologues," "Ding-a-ling-less"
is giving you some hard competition!
This Film Reviewed
from the 2001 Austin Film festival!
|
Report
Card
Script:
B+
Acting: A+
Cinematography\Lighting: B+
Special Effects\Make Up: A
Music: C-
Final
Grade: A-
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