With a subject as fertile as cats and dogs (sorry, I couldn't resist) and their ubiquitous rivalry to work with, you'd think there would be a plethora of good story ideas to kick around. Here, the filmmakers and scripters can't seem to decide what to do... so they end up with a mishmash of bad ideas and a little bit of actual humor here and there.

I mean, why do the cats and dogs here have to have computers and be able to talk and fly planes and drive cars and stuff? Isn't that all pretty silly? Why can't it just be about some sort of simple rivalry between some neighborhood cats and dogs. I don't get it. Maybe I'm old.

Anyway, the plot is really convoluted and stupid and full of holes. The filmmaker (i.e. the appropriately named director Lawrence Guterman) here seems to be just a figure head, cause this film was obviously made by a committee. Guterman can't direct traffic, let alone a feature film. There's a really bad and dumb scene here where the cats are driving a limo and they are driving crazy, of course, and in the course of the sequence 17 hubcaps come off the car as it makes various sharp turns. Only four wheels on the limo, of course, but 17 hubcaps come off. I counted. There is continuity for shit in this film.

And the live action mingled with CGI is just bad, mainly because the animals don't look real when CGI'd. So when they come back on screen as cute little real animals, it is really jarring. And, Goddammit, if I see one more spoof of the stop- motion, 360 "Matrix" fight scene, I'm going to go ballistic.

Also, they'd have been better off to CGI the live actors. Elizabeth Perkins and Jeff Goldblum really embarrass themselves here. Jeff - here's a career tip - you can say NO to a job offer. Only the little boy in the film (Alexander Pollack) works well because he is too innocent and young to realize that he's in a piece of dung. He just muddles along with a stupid grin on his face seemingly believing that all will be well. Really, though, the kid isn't too bad. When the emotional moment comes in the film (dead puppy), he actually brings a tear to your eye. I'm a sap.

"Cats and Dogs" is as stinky as your litter box after you've been away on vacation. Can you spay and neuter CGI animals? Cause God help me, if there is a sequel, I will join the SPCA and head to Hollywood.

Note:

Featuring that badly misused voices of Sean Hayes, Tobey Maguire, Jon Lovitz, Alec Baldwin (who thinks he's doing a "Canteen Boy" skit on "SNL"), Joey Pantiliano, and Susan Sarandan.

Filmed in Canada.

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