Posing as an intellectual art film, "Being John Malkovich" is one of those irritating, somewhat drab, purposefully gritty, boring films that pretentious people and those with no true sense of style will adopt as a "great art film." All it really has in it's favor is a terrific (albeit wasted) idea for a film and some brilliant acting. This, on it's own, may make it worth viewing, but it does not save the film.

John Cusack plays such a grimy schlub that we just about can't stand to look at him. Worse yet, his Craig is an ineffectual weasel. We don't like him. We don't care about him. We don't understand him. He's married to Cameron Diaz, who uglies herself up something fierce for this role. She's unrecognizable. Why anyone would work so hard to look so blah is anyone's guess. (Oh yeah - she's "acting.") Worse yet is Catherine Keener who supposedly plays this woman that everyone is in love with, yet, for the life of me, I cannot figure out why anyone would want to spend two seconds with such an obnoxious cunt. She really works your nerves. And, to further make the film unbelievable, she is about as attractive as a slug penny.

Music video director Spike Jonze makes his feature film debut here, but why? He's accomplished much more in 3 minute videos for Radiohead and The Beastie Boys than he does here. The entire film seems to be geared to annoy us. For example, Diaz's character loves animals so the apartment she shares with Cusack is full of creatures. It gets tiresome and nerve-wracking. Jonze seems quite happy to put us through all this misery. He thinks he's making "high art." He wants to be considered another Terry Gilliam. But his film isn't clever or witty or new. It's just annoying and dumb and conspicuous, really.

Now I can understand why Malkovich takes the role here. The film is like a love letter to his acting chops. And he is perfect here playing himself as well as himself "possessed" by Cusack's Sad Sack. See Cusack plays a puppeteer who finds a portal to Malkovich's consciousness in his weird office space. At first just excited and enamoured with the idea, Cusack's schlemiel allows it to be exploited by Keener and abused by Diaz. He then opts to take over Malkovich permanently, and, because he is a amateur puppeteer, a manipulator, he does so easily. Sigh.

What's sad about all of this is that Cusack, Diaz and Keener have no justification for what they do here. We are supposed to believe that the lame Cusack character would have the balls to do what he does. Why? Because he loves the obnoxious Keener? Bullshit. And Diaz falls for her too. Double bullshit. You don't believe one minute of anyone's motivations in this film. Jonze does not know how to direct actors. Scripter Charlie Kaufman doesn't write it into the script, so how could Jonze present it? Kaufman has one good idea here, but for the life of God, he can't figure out what to do with it.

So anyway, watching Malkovich pretend to be himself taken over by Cusack who has lodged himself via supposed kinetic voodoo into Malkovich's consciousness, is quite fun. It's the only thing that makes the film worthy. Nothing else does. Not Cusack, not Diaz and not Jonze. Even the film's wicked twists on gender identity and confusing sexuality don't make it work. It's all just artsy-fartsy gobbley-goo made to impress and woo the intelligentsia. Well, Spike, I ain't buying. Maybe I'm just too dumb, like the characters you secretly mock here.

Notes:

Also with Orson Bean, Mary Kay Place, and Charlie Sheen. With cameos by Andy Dick, David Fincher, Sean Penn, Brad Pitt.

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