A movie about a woman who seemingly likes to be date raped and the asshole that she marries.

This is probably the most asinine, ignorant and immature film that I've seen outside of a film festival. This is the kind of film that the National Organization of Women should show to raise donations for their cause. This vile and detestable film, which is also boring and bland, depicts five vignettes in a couple's relationship (the title comes from this idea). But the couple shown are so unrealistic, stupid and emotionally retarded that it might be more entertaining to poke your eyes with a fork than to sit through this tripe.

The first vignette lets you know just how gloriously ridiculous and unrealistic this piece of shit is going to be. The film begins with a couple finalizing their divorce at a governmental office and then going to a hotel to fuck. How stupid is that? Not only is it the kind of thing one would expect to come from the pen of a college sophomore, but the rape of the woman here by the man, after she repeatedly tells him no before he anally violates her, is so vile and disgusting that it makes you want to take a shotgun and blow the brains out of the ignoramus that wrote and filmed it, Francois Ozon. After the first scene, one is inclined to think that this film is the most misogynistic piece of shit in recent memory. But Ozon is just beginning.

A later scene, set at the couple's wedding, show the husband, an inebriated asshole to rival a 1980's George W. Bush, getting drunk and passing out before consummating his marriage. The wife then gets dressed and takes a walk where she meets an American who proceeds to - you guessed it - rape her after she repeatedly tells him no. Soon she acquiesces, as if this is what she wants more than anything, for men to force her to have sex with them. It's revolting. Worse, any man who thinks a woman would have sex on her wedding night with another man other than her husband, even if he was passed out drunk in their honeymoon suite, is an idiot. No woman, I don't care how big of a cunt she is, is going to sleep with another man on her wedding night, unless she is not serious about her marriage. This woman is not a cunt. She is not a viper. She is written and portrayed as a dumb, victimized imbecile to be sure; but this is not a woman who would submit to sex on her wedding night, not even if forced. (She could have easily walked away or screamed in the situation as it is depicted here). This is the kind of thing that comes out of the mind of a horny, virginal, Penthouse- reading, college sophomore. And, apparently, it's the kind of thing the French consider a "mature," realistic depiction of human sexual relationships. If this is so, then, Jesus, the French are a vile and disgusting people. (For God's sakes! They eat snails!)

The man in this relationship isn't depicted as stupidly as the female, but it's close. Ozon seems to have some sympathy for him presumably because he has a penis and Ozon, having a penis himself, sees something similar to himself in the character. If Ozon is anything like the man in the film, then he is a fucking jerk. The man is shown as being incapable of showing love for his prematurely born baby and, in a suggestions that sickens me, we are supposed to feel sympathy for him. He's a fucking jerk. It is impossible to like him or feel any emotion for him other than intense hatred. Later, in the story - in a scene that happens earlier in the film, (so fucking clever) he is shown being a loving father to his son and sleeping in his son's bed at night. The idea is that he really does love his son even if he can't force himself to be there at his premature birth. What a crock of shit.

"5x2" also depicts an elderly couple and a gay couple in subplots to the film and these relationships are equally vile and repulsive. Ozon has created one of the most ignorant, unsophisticated and repugnant films about relationships ever to grace the silver screen. I haven't seen any of his other films but if "5x2" is any indication of his art, I hope Ozon gets hit by a car and dies of a massive brain injury very soon.

Notes:

In French with English subtitles and one scene in English and one in Italian.

With Valeria Bruni-Tedeschi as Marion, the female lead. She looks quite a lot like Patricia Arquette.

The film's working title was "Nous deux" which translates to "We Two" or "Us Two."

Apparently the European DVD has a version of the film, in chronological order, called "2x5."

The filmed debuted in September 2004 and began a U.S. arthouse run in June of 2005 via Thinkfilm. (Kinda wish they would have thought a little harder about unleashing this crap on the American public.)

Viewed at The Arbor in Austin in September 2005.

Report Card

Script: F

Acting: D-

Cinematography\Lighting: B+

Special Effects\Make Up: C

Music: C

Final Grade: F