#18

Miss Xanna Don't at Antones

Lou Ann Barton

Casino el Camino

Kevin West's "Rowdy Round-Up"

defrockers

Richard Linklater's "Waking Life" starring Wiley Wiggins

Nina Simon

"Harold and Maude" at the Paramount

The Forum

More Rich and Kelly

Another Imamura atrocity at the Alamo

I meet Wiley Wiggins for real at Casino

Sons of Hercules at Casino

Wednesday night, went to Antones to see Miss Xanna Don't. This was actually my first time to see her perform. Got there a bit early and Xanna was greeting folks at the door, her beehive defying gravity. She introduced me to her friends Tom and Jerri and, since we had a bit of time before the show, Tom took me and Jerri to the Rainbow Cattle Company down the block for a drink. The RCC is a gay kicker bar. It's just weird to see two cowboys hugging and kissing - no matter how gay I am. Still, I kinda liked the place.

Went on a little tour of the area too. Someone has opened a club next to Oilcan Harry's called "The Boyz Cellar." We bopped in for a second. They had cute male dancers. I might go back to that place.

Got back in time to see Xanna's set. She had only had two rehearsals with her band. Let me tell you: She kicked ass. Even though the band, I'm sorry to say, sucked, Xanna belted out the tunes in a voice that was proud and crisp and perfect on every note. She blew me away. There is no reason this girl can't be a star. She has it all: Charm, looks, a bit of a gimmick with the beehive, and a voice that will knock down the doors. When she gets her band together - watch out! She sang some Patsy Cline, the Stone's "Dead Flowers," a song from Rowdy Round-Up," her first feature film, and this slow, bittersweet tune about "meeting on the coomons at noon," which she later told me was by some Boston band. This latter song, mid-set, was the one that blew me away. With the right arrangement and musicians, it could be one hell of a show-stopper. I loved it all.

Speaking of "Rowdy Round-Up," Kevin West, the director, and Anna-Mari, the CO-scriptwriter of the film, were there. I had never met Kevin before but he was very amiable. Anna-Mari was fun as always and they both strike me as really nice, relaxed folks to hang out with. Kevin and I got to talk about his film a little bit. He's trying to get postproduction underway. He's got a lot of work ahead of him! Anna-Mari, meanwhile, is working on the novelization of the script as well as some other writing and artwork projects. These are some of the friendliest, most creative people I have ever met and I look forward to seeing what the future holds for all of them.

Lou Ann Barton was the featured act after Xanna. This was supposed to be some sort of fundraiser for the Sims Foundation. There weren't very many people there. Barton has a great Loretta-Lynn honky-tonky-twangy voice and her band was kick ass. She had a cute little bass player, who she seemed very sweet on, who not only was great on the eyes, but also rocked the roof as a bassist. Her band did her proud. She only played about 30 minutes, but it was very good. Still, all I could think about was how good Xanna would sound with a kick ass band like Barton's to back her up.

As the night wound down, we headed to Casino el Camino for a few drinks. On the way out of Antones, however, we met some of Xanna's friends, including a guy who looks like Harpo Marx. His name is Fitz and he's in a band called the defrockers (small d). http://www.defrockers.com. He was there with his older brother, whose name and band's name I cannot remember. (I'd already had a few). They were cool and interesting guys, although a bit preoccupied by getting some P. Still; they were fun and amusing. Fitz was just sane and strange enough to keep you guessing. defrockers had been bumped that night at Stubbs. They are playing there again soon, so I hope to see them, just to see what they're all about.

As I was walking to my car, someone shouted my name. I turned and saw someone waving in the semi-darkness (and my inebriated haze) so I shouted Who is that?" To which was yelled, "An admirer!" I think it was Gonzo of Cinemaker but I couldn't tell. That was pretty cool tho.

Thursday I had to work a little late and then come home and do my damn laundry. It was piling up. I called my friend Tim and we spent about 45 minutes on the phone discussing "Being John Malkovich," "The Pornographers," and "julien donkey-boy." I had my window open and I could hear my neighbors talking and coming home and stuff. I was talking rather loudly, as usual, giving my opinions on "Dogma95" and the films, so I'm sure I sounded like a pretentious git. That oughta keep em from borrowing sugar!

I had a weird and sexually interesting dream last night: A friend of mine, a bisexual guy who I am not interested in, brought over this younger cute guy to my apartment. Only, of course, it wasn't my apartment. I was asleep and as far as I can remember, the entire room was a mattress. I seemed to awake as my friend dropped of this cute guy, who was only wearing a unbuttoned shirt and some bikini briefs. And then my friend left briefly to get something. I, of course, took the opportunity to snuggle up to the half-naked, thin, pasty, lithe, younger guy and began to caress him. Suddenly, everywhere I touched him, he had piercing, with silver rings and jewelry. In his mouth, his ears, under his bottom lips, his nipples, his sides. Everywhere. And he would flinch and act as if it was discomforting everywhere I touched him, yet he did not stop me. He just looked saddened by it all. My friend returned and I allowed that they probably would like to be alone together and went back to sleep, although I was a bit saddened and jealous to do this.

Next thing I know, we (my friend and I) were trying to drive my father's truck, which wasn't his truck at all but a semi-cab without a trailer, big and lunky, which was, of course, careening out of control.

When I write it down (verbalize it), it all suddenly becomes clear to me.

Wiley Wiggins sent me an e-mail the other day telling me they have finished "filming" on Richard Linkleter's new work "Waking Life." (See my interview with Wiley for more). I thought it was odd that he used the word "filming," since it was an animated feature, until he explained, "They filmed us in digital video, next it will be edited like a normal movie, then digitally rotoscoped over by a team of artists... The end product is really gorgeous."

I asked him how long before the film will be out and he told me at least a year or so. Right now, distribution isn't set for a theatrical release it seems. Bravo has exclusive cable rights.

Wiley is also working on his first feature film called "Gated Communities." He is currently co-writing the script and scouting locations.

Friday, it suddenly became apparent that there was a lot I wanted to do this week. See the new Gregg Araki. See "City of Lost Children" at midnight at the Dobie. They were playing some old films at the Paramount which I will not be able to see because of work. Alamo has "The Shining" and "The Limey." Arbor 7 has "Joe the King" and "Guinivere." And then there's Tim Burton's "Sleepy Hollow." Just a hell of a lot to do.

I bought a Nina Simone CD at Waterloo records the other day. If I ever meet Sandra Bernhard, I am going to kiss her feet and thank her for turning me on to Nina Simone. Sandra does this song "Four Women" in her film "Without You, I'm Nothing" and, although I love the whole film, that part has always been my favorite. Simone's (original) version is simply intoxicating. It is, in my opinion (this week), the greatest song ever written and recorded. Even if I don't understand exactly what the final verse means. Bernhard sees the inherent kitsch quality to it, and it is there. ("This kitsch isn't shit... This is good kitsch.") Yes, Simone does something remarkable in the final verse, with the song's final coda (Thanks for the new word, Rich). I wish I knew Sandra, I'd call her up and talk about the song for a hour. It's definitely my motif for the week. (Also been listening to Tangerine Dream's "Love on a Real Train" from the "Risky Business" soundtrack CD a lot lately too).

The Nina Simone CD also has great versions of familiar songs like "I Put a Spell on You" and "I Love You Porgy" among others. There is also a version of "Wild is the Wind," which Bowie also covers. And a great song called "Mississippi Goddamn." Friday 11/19: I had one of those nights tonight. One of those magical nights. When I was younger, it would have ended with me having sex, but now that I'm older, I see that this is not the be-all end-all of existence.

The night started great with me going to see "Harold and Maude" at the Paramount. I laughed and cried like a little child. The film opened me up again to the wonders of existence on the planet. I left the Paramount wet-faced and happy as an infant. It was a magical start to a magical night.

I remember reading the book as a teenager. I loved it so much. I had checked it out from the library. I gave it to my mom to read. We didn't even know it had already been made into a movie. My mom asked me, at the time, if I had imagined the book as a film. I, of course, had and I think this was the first time it occurred to me that people see books in their head as a sort of film when they read. My mom asked me if I had an actress in mind when I read the book to play Maude. I did not. She said she imagined Ruth Gorden as Maude. I agreed that this would be great. I'm not even sure of where my reference to Gordon would have come from, but I knew who she was at this time. Around 1979. It was only a few months later that we found out the film had already been made into a movie and that Gordon had indeed played the role.

Watching it tonight, and seeing the remarkable job Bud Cort does in the film as Harold, I thought how neat it would be to remake it and get Wiley Wiggins to play the role.

After the film, I walked down Congress. I was going to go to the Boyz Cellar on 4th and check it out. All the time, Bowie's "Let's Spend the Night Together" rambled thru my head. I decided to stop at the Forum and see what was happening. I had been there a couple of weeks ago and an awesome bartender named Sylvester had really made my night. So, I bopped in and went upstairs. Magic happened.

We all agreed that telling the story of the night would never equal the experience. I met these guys tonight (in addition to seeing Sylvester the bartender again):

Jeff: An amateur magician

Tony: A drunk and hilarious queen

Scott: A manly gay guy my age who was scruffy and adorable

Kevin: An adorable young blonde from South Africa

Peter: A cute older guy from Amsterdam who had some sort of man-purse

Alan: The young bar back

It was just one of those nights. Scott was actually going to give Tony a hard time. Tony was an obnoxious queen at first. And I talked Scott into being cool for the "brotherhood." It was a simple moment. Scott was probably all talk anyway. But I cooled bad vibes with a reminder of how we were all together in a way, all the same. I don't mean to make myself some sort of Saint, but it all just fit into place. Scott's coolness surely played into it.

Then Jeff did a magic trick, putting an ink pen though his tongue, and Tony went off on it, freaking out a bit, and queening out, and we all died laughing.

Scott's right. You had to be there. Suffice it to say: I had one of the best nights of my life. I walked away feeling on top of the world. I was attracted to all the guys but in particular Alan and Kevin. Of course, they hooked up at the end of the night and I actually hoped it would all work out for them. It was one of those floating-on-cloud-nine nights where you felt in touch with the world and everyone in the world. We laughed so fucking hard. We hugged and kissed and talked honestly and got to know each other. It was heaven.

I don't think I'll ever have a night so good for a long, long time. But for the moments... it was divine. I wish everyone on the planet a night like tonight...

Saturday at noon, Timmy called and woke me up and wanted to go see Gregg Araki's "Splendor" at the Dobie. I was still in bed, so I said no. Of course, after I hung up, I couldn't sleep, so I got up and went. We both liked the movie. There was the preview for "American Movie" on the film. We are both excited about seeing it. It opens Wed 11/24 at the Dobie. It's going to be huge! There was also a preview for the re-release of "Caligula." I think it comes to the Dobie in 2000. It looks deliciously bad. I giggled all the way through the trailer. I can't wait for that one either. Went to Sound Exchange afterwards and Timmy looked for the new Roots CD but they were sold out.

Afterwards, we went to Taco Bell for a snack and talked about movies and filming ideas and stuff. We talked for about an hour I guess. It was really nice.

From my friend Bill:

"They Support Us... We Support Them" is the motto of a new online shopping site for gay consumers. It's a mall with major name-brand stores that have taken a stand for our community. As you stroll through homocentral.com, you will see storefronts that have become icons in the gay community... Brands like Joe Boxer, Virgin Megastores, Levi's and Abercrombie & Fitch, as well as many non-profit stores like the Keith Haring boutique and a Human Rights Campaign kiosk.

Gay consumers buy all kinds of mainstream products, and companies who support the gay community have earned our loyalty.

http://www.homocentral.com

Sunday night, Tim and I went over to Rich and Kelly's. Rich was working on school stuff but eventually came out to say howdy. Kelly had an audition for a short film earlier in the night too. Their video work, "The Paul Collection," is coming together but, apparently, they are having problems with the High-8 to VHS transfer.

We had planned on filming something for Kelly but it didn't seem to gel just yet, so we goofed and talked for a bit before we finally got to work on some stuff. I started and we filmed a piece where Tim was going crazy and Kelly messed with his head. Then Kelly filmed a piece that was a bit surreal and unusual. Kelly seems to enjoy referencing film "lingo" in his video work. There are a lot of references to the camera and terms like "action" and "cut" are heard off camera in the final piece. I like his style. Even though it is in the gestation period. Tim filmed a piece that was kinda "gay" (using the camera to comically explore what he is apprehensive to explore in his real life).

And then Rich came out and shot a fake commercial with us that was just awesome (for us). I got to see how Rich and Kelly work together and it was just wondrous. The have developed quite a cohesion between their talents. The are automatically "in tune." Rich is great behind the camera. I was extremely jealous and impressed with his style and work ethic as a filmmaker (even in this comfortable, amateur setting).

I also realized that I am quite funny on camera if I will just allow myself to appear as what I am: Mainly a crazy, ugly, fat, gay guy. When I give myself over to it, I rock. I am Chris Farley. It's just hard to give myself over to it.

Monday, I went to Casino after work. After about 20 minutes, Xanna, her partner Ann and Anna-Mari, the scripter from Kevin West's "Rowdy Round-Up," came in. Xanna introduced me to Casino. He is quite nice. We went over to Emo's to see what was going on but didn't want to pay cover. So then we walked down to Club DeVille and saw Supersucker. Xanna got us in on the cheap. Supersucker were loud and dumb and pointless live junk. Not bad, but nothing great. The lead singer talked too much. After their show, we went back to Casino and closed out the night. Afterwards, on the sidewalk, we met some guys from the Atomic Cafe and Xanna introduced them to me. By this time I was pretty buzzed.

Instead of going home like a good boy, I went over to Rich and Kelly's and knocked on their door. They were up. Rich was working on a script for one of his UT classes. Kelly was just up - as usual. We talked for a bit and watched the video we shot the night before. It was just as good the second time, even though it's just us goofing around, I liked a lot of it.

Tuesday. I had the day off, so I went and watched "Joe the King" at Arbor. After that, I hung out at Cheapos for a bit looking for CD's but only found a Bowie CD Single from the new album to pick up. I was really just killing time until I went to the Alamo for the next installment of Imamura films. I was supposed to meet Tim there. He didn't show and I had to sit through a rather dismal film called "The Insect Woman" on my own.

I talked to Tim later that night and he had tried to call but, of course I wasn't home. We talked about film ideas and stuff.

Wednesday night I worked at the theater but got out before midnight. I thought I had left one of my credit cards at Casino el Camino Monday and Casino had invited us to Wednesday night when I was there Monday because he was having live bands. So, I went there Wednesday night. The place was packed. I got a beer and went upstairs. They had a DJ named Sue working and she played some good stuff. I swore I saw Wiley upstairs while I was hanging out. I guess I'm just a shy pussy cause I couldn't bring myself to walk up to this guy and ask if it was him, even though I was sure it was.

After about 30 minutes, I saw Xanna and Anna-Mari. I thought it was so great to see them. Ann, Xanna's partner, had to work early Thanksgiving, so she didn't come out. We hung out and Xanna introduced me to some sort of performance poet artist named Guiniverre. The poetess had a friend named Michael who was hyping his own website at www.stpwatch.com. Not sure exactly what it was about. I'll have to look into it.

I told Xanna about Wiley and she wanted to meet him, so we went upstairs and she went to talk to him. Sure enough, it was him. Xanna came over and got me and I went to meet the man. It was pretty insane, for me anyway. If anyone would have told me I'd be meeting Wiley Wiggins and chatting with him, even 4 months ago, I would have laughed in their face. Yes, I realize that it's silly and giddy and dumb but I don't care. We had a nice conversation and I tried not to be too gay about it.

Wiley was just as nice and real as I expected him to be. He wasn't very fond of the graphics on out site, but he was honest and real and perfect in every way. He was there with a really nice, attractive girl named Wendy. Wiley told me some funny stories about hanging out with Lucas Haas recently and about playing some goofs on one of the interns who was working on Linklater's "Waking Life" with him. It was funny. I think he kinda has a low tolerance for phonies and naives. His sense of humor is really unique and, in a way, junenile. But he obviously has the potential to be a distinguished human being and I think, as he evolves, he will become quite a remarkable person and artist.

I tried not to be too much like a "fan," and after talking a bit, I excused myself to join Xanna and Anna-Mari on the porch to see the Sons of Hercules perform. They were awesome. Casino was playing bass with them and they were as tight and as rocking as if they had been playing together for years. We stood on the steps on the porch outside and rocked out. I loved every fucking moment of it. It was great.

Afterwards, Xanna introduced me to the lead singer, who was older but quite great, and his girlfriend. Xanna has apparently known them for quite a while. I went over and told Casino how wonderful I thought he was and he seemed to be having quite a good time of it all.

It was, yet again, one of those magical nights. I don't think I can even begin to comprehend it's impact on me. I don't feel real anymore. I don't think I can process it all.

Can anyone who believes that life itself has no meaning and purpose truly ever begin to understand it's complexities and waves? I am adrift in time like a character in a book. I have felt the gentle caress of God, a God I am sure is as dead as the Earth itself. And I have only been able to react with awe and wonder and hope and happiness.

I live...