Lodger looks at Oscars 2000

"Being a loser is edgy" - John Waters, while hosting the IFP Independent Spirit Awards

"Oh, I've seen she's got to see. I've seen her pap smear!" - Miss Xanna Don't on J-Lo's Oscar outfit

Oscar night is one of my favorite nights of the year. For the 2000 Oscars, held of course just recently in March of 2001, I had a little get together at the Filethirteen Lodgeyland Studios with my homies Mark Brauner, Trish the Dish, Miss Xanna Don't and her partner Ann in attendance. Xanna was wearing a beautiful deep green dress. To compliment her outfit, she brought over a dark emerald-colored drink concoction called the "Green Destiny." This, of course, to highlight her love for the film "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." I myself thought the film was quite capable of taking home several awards. In the end, of course, it took home 4 but the most prestigious of these was the win for "Best Foreign Film."

I forgot about the fun E! TV red carpet coverage before the Oscars and did not catch but just a little of that telecast. Instead I watched John Travolta and Kelly Preston's eyes glaze over in a cult-like funk when Barbara Walters asked them about Scientology on her annual interview gabfest. The answers Travolta gave were just weird! At least the theme by Patrick O'Hearn is groovy. The Oscar pre-show had interesting moments, the most notorious, of course, being Jennifer Lopez's revealing outfit. Jesus, you could see her tits! She might as well have arrived topless. Forget J-Lo, she looked like a J-Ho! Other than that, the opening show didn't really build to too much excitement. The Academy Awards finally began at 7:30 CST with a piece that was little more than a self-referential video homage to the Oscars. Paying tribute to the theme of "2001," the video utilized the tired cliché of presenting images from past Oscar shows as they are supposedly beamed through time and space. This transgressed into a rather drab and stilted shot of a space station in orbit and the astronauts on board introduced the show and host Steve Martin. (Later, Arthur C. Clarke, author of "2001" would help Tom Hanks present some Best Screenplay awards). All in all, things seemed pretty dreary. But Martin, with this his first time as host, won the crowd and the TV audience over immediately by doing 15 minutes of the funniest, take-no-prisoners humor ever to be heard at the event.

Martin did no songs, no dance, no special effects, no dreary hyperbole. Just jokes. Russell Crowe and Julia Roberts were often at the butt of his hilarious barbs. I thought Crowe, who got sliced up quite nicely by Martin, might come out of his seat. It's a good thing he later won Best Actor or he may have punched Martin in the nose at an afterparty.

Crowe, by the way, looked ridiculous in a weird suit with a string tie and a medal pinned to his chest. (Has he been hanging out with Lyle Lovett too much here in Austin?) His wannabee limp pompadour was also an odd choice for the evening. And how about all those guys hugging him after he won. What's up with that?

Meanwhile, Martin also skewered ticket prices, movie violence, movie trailers that give away too much, and the pomposity and absurdity of fame in a way that was uniquely all his own in his opening remarks. It was a wonderful job. Like Billy Crystal before him, Martin continued with the funny barbs and witticisms throughout the event. A rather amusing moment occurred when Tom Hanks "played along" and pretended to be embarrassed after being shamed by Martin for "fighting in the men's room brawl with Crowe".

There were a few surprises, several expectations fulfilled and a smattering of winners as the night progressed. Several films won only one award. Only "Gladiator," "Crouching Tiger" and "Traffic" picked up multiple statuettes, 5, 4, and 4 respectively.

One of the early shockers was Marcia Gay Harden's win for Best Supporting Actress for "Pollock." The buzz from day one on this category was all for Kate Hudson. In fact, the Oscars had become so predictable in awarding the ingenue for BSA since Marisa Tormei won for "My Cousin Vinnie" in 1991, that conventional wisdom had Hudson as a shoe-in at 2:1. Watching several pre-Oscar shows had me salivating at scenes from "Almost Famous," making me desperate to see it again. Hudson's work is unquestionably Oscar caliber. My personal pick, before seeing "Pollock" was Walters, but I think I may have overlooked Hudson's work on my initial viewing, where I only had eyes for Patrick Fugit. Regardless, Harden's work in "Pollock" is phenomenal and certainly worthy of the award. I'm glad she was the winner.

Early in the event, I got a look at the sick and disturbing new Pepsi commercial where midriff Britney Spears whores for the soda pop giant. If you think there is something rather distasteful about a Viagra pumping Bob Dole watching teeny-titted Spears strut her plastic surgery for the world to see, you are right. Gross. I hate Pepsi and this is as good a reason as any to denigrate them. Madonna burns a cross and they wimp out; Britney gives a guy old enough to be her grandfather a boner and that's all good. What is wrong with this picture?

The first shoe-in to actually take home the prize, other than technical nods, was Benicio Del Toro as Best Supporting Actor for "Traffic." Del Toro had the buzz as the day for the Academy schmooze fest neared and he never lost momentum. While I do think he deserves to be awarded for his fine acting skills, he was in a rather racist stereotype of a role which did not deserve any accolades. At least "Traffic" didn't win best picture! But it did win Best Adapted Screenplay, which was a travesty.

Other obvious nods went to Rick Baker for Make-Up on "Grinch," "Crouching Tiger" for Best Foreign Film (Ang Lee was shut out elsewhere), and Bob Dylan for Best Song. Dylan's tune from "Wonder Boys" owes as much to Leonard Cohen as it does to Captain Beefheart. At least Dylan was "groovy" when accepting the award. He appeared live from Australia, I believe, and the lighting he got was abysmal. No one wants to see a close-up of Dylan's wrinkled face. The only thing worse might be a close-up of Keith Richards' flacid, grizzled cock.

And poor Bjork. She is so awesome. She wore the coolest outfit which, of course, begged for ridicule. I loved it. And her performance was amazing, even though she was obviously as nervous as hell. She sparkled. The audience of nincompoop, Hollywood wannabees sat in stunned silence. And where was Tom York of Radiohead? Rumor had it that he, who dueted with the Icelandic songstress on the "Dancer in the Dark" soundtrack album "Selmasongs," would perform with Bjork on the Oscar stage. Didn't happen.

At least there was pretty and sweet Julia Roberts! Taking a cue from Ally Sheedy at the Independent Spirit Awards a couple years back (where she won for "High Art"), Julia took over the stage and refused to allow the band to start playing before she was done. "You might just have a seat, stickman," she said, playfully chastising the Academy conductor. (Was it Bill Conti again this year?) Roberts, in a vintage gown and 60's hairdo, looked fantastic. And as America's Sweetheart, she charmed the crowd and basked in the glow of her happiness. Never conceited nor pretentious, Roberts is a true American delight. In my book, it couldn't happen to a nicer girl. And her performance in "Erin Brockovich" was highly worthy of such an accolade as an Academy Award.

Finally, how about Janty Yates picking up her Oscar for Best Costume Design for "Gladiator." Didn't she look like she had been drinking since noon! She almost toppled over getting up to the podium. Ease up a bit girl!

Here are the lists of winners, in case you don't remember them from Sunday night,Ms. Yates:

Best Picture: Gladiator (also Best Visual Effects, Best Sound, Best Costumes)

Best Actor: Russell Crowe for Gladiator

Best Actress: Julia Roberts for Erin Brockovich

Best Supporting Actor: Benicio Del Toro for Traffic

Best Supporting Actress: Marcia Gay Harden for Pollock

Best Director: Steven Soderbergh for Traffic (also Best Editing)

Best Original Screenplay: Cameron Crowe for Almost Famous

Best Adapted Screenplay: Stephen Gagan for Traffic (I really don't care how it's spelled)

Best Song: Bob Dylan

Best Foreign Film: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (also Best Score, Best Cinematography, Best Art Direction)

The day prior to the Oscars, I looked up the "winners" of the Golden Raspberry Awards, or The Razzies. These are awards for the worst in film for 2000. You can find out more about the Razzies at http://www.razzies.com/ but here's a look at the big 2001 winners, er losers, er…

2000 Razzies

Worst film: Battlefield Earth

Actor: John Travolta in "Battlefield Earth"

Actress: Madonna in "The Next Best Thing"

Supporting Actor: Barry Pepper in "Battlefield Earth"

Supporting Actress: Kelly Preston (AKA Mrs. Travolta) in "Battlefield Earth"

Director: Roger Christian for "Battlefield Earth"

For the record, "Battlefield Earth" tied "Showgirls" with 7 awards for worst film ever according to Golden Raspberry members.

Later that evening, I tuned into Bravo TV for the IFP Independent Film Awards. Not once during the 2 hour broadcast did anyone explain what IFP stands for nor did they explain how the nominees and winners were chosen. The whole event reeked of cheapness with a massive tent on the Santa Monica beach serving as the facility. The event had been held in the afternoon but was edited (piss-poorly) and condensed to a 2-hour program for TV.

At least IFP, whoever or whatever they are, had the good sense to hire John Waters as the host. He is hilarious. In black tux and red tennis shoes, Waters delivered an opening monologue that was hilarious. Casting aside propriety, Waters gave the throng of Indie types in the audience useful suggestions for career moves and publicity stunts. While unusual guests like Bill Paxton and Christian Slater looked on in stunned incomprehension, Waters told of his own efforts to arrange a date with Don Knotts for the event. John Waters is hilarious. He should host the Oscars! That crowd could really use his ideas!

Surely the highlight of the Spirit Awards was seeing two of America's greatest actresses of all time on stage there. Gena Rwolands, aka Mrs. John Cassavettes, announced the Best Actor nominations with the kind of style and grace you just don't see anymore. Meanwhile, Ellen Burstyn was ecstatic when receiving her much-deserved statue for Best Actress in "Requiem for a Dream." While I cannot quibble with Marcia Gay Harden's win for her performance in "Pollock," from the Academy the next evening, I sure wish Burstyn could have taken home the statuette.

The most surreal moment of the evening came when cute but weird Jared Leto, star of "Requiem for a Dream," came out to introduce the segment that spotlighted the film's nomination as Best Feature that evening. Leto was wearing the same cornrows that shocked America a few years back when they were on the head of Juliette Lewis at the Oscars. Leto needed a shave and a bath too. Sure, he probably doesn't want to be known as a "pretty-boy," but come on. At least, I think, Waters was proud of him for defying convention - even the convention of the indie film world.

Some winners:

Best Feature, Best Director: "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" and Ang Lee. The director told an amusing story about Chinese food and American film Unions. Upon receiving the award for Best Feature, he asked, "Why weren't we nominated for Best Foreign Film?" At IFP, he may have been able to take home the hat trick he missed out upon the next night if the film had been nominated for that category.

Best First Feature: Kenneth Lonergan for "You Can Count on Me." The film would get shut out the next night significantly pointing out the need for the Independent Spirit Awards.

Best Documentary: Dark Days. Said filmmaker Marc Singer, referring to the subject of the film, "It was 6 and a half years ago that I went down in the tunnels for the first time." The film is about homeless people who live in the tunnels of the New York City subway system.

Javier Bardem - Best Actor for "Before Night Falls." Although it's a bit sad, perhaps, that those nominated for Indie film were also nominated the next night at the Oscars, the difference here is that they win. Bardem would loose to Russell Crowe the next evening.

Ellen Burstyn - Best Actress for "Requiem for a Dream." And rightly so!

Willem Dafoe - Best Supporting Actor for "Shadow of a Vampire. Dafoe was wise enough to know the make-up was the role!

Zhang Ziyi - Best Supporting Actress for "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." She held hands with her female translator and looked as sweet as apple pie.

Best Screenplay - Kenneth Lonergan for "You Can Count on Me."

Best Cinematography: Matthew Libatique for "Requiem for a Dream."

Best Foreign Film: Dancer in the Dark. Lars Van Triers and Bjork (with or without swan) were nowhere to be seen.

Like all good awards shows, the Independent Spirit Awards showcased a couple of films that I missed and made me want to see them. "George Washington," which I really knew little about, sure looks like an awesome film. I suppose I'll have to rent it someday. And "You Can Count on Me" is a wonderful film as well. What a gift Lonergan and his cast gave to the world.

2001 is already well underway and a plethora of awesome films have been slated for this year. Some, like "The Pledge" and "snatch" have already seen the light of the projector at megaplexes across America, but mainly there 2000 releases still dominate the box office, reviving the almost dead theater industry with actual decent product!

God Bless Film!

Lodger2001

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